First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
