Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
