whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
