is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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