Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
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Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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