I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
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I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
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I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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