Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Floor bacon is actually really good
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
