My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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