You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
