I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize