Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wish I only lived at night.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
No subtext here. People are naked.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
