You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
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do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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