Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
