when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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