i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize