what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
