I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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