I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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