she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
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Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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