you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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