I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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