Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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