we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
