my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
