He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
