The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
