i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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