i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
