From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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