He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
