I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This is the high leading the old right now
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
