Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
