What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
