i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Even the bartender felt bad for me
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i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
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It's official drugs can't kill me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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