You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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