Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
People in love make me want to vomit
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
