So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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