So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
