WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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