Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Are my feet made of real feet?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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