I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
