shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
