i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
