Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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