woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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