A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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