Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
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someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
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I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.