it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.