OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".