I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.