Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
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Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.