i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
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So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is