Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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