Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
