I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize