My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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