Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
