Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
