Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
