dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
