well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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