She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
