OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
