I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
