Kiss
Puke
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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