I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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