I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
