you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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