my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
