I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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