I love black thongs
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
