I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize