I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
