i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
