someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
