They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
